The epidemic in hospitals seem to have plateaued and there is a degree of optimism the number of deaths will be gradually falling now. There’s however another epidemic that doesn’t seem to slow down. That’s the outbreak in the care homes. The government has stopped “sugar-coating” the fact that more could be done to prevent the deaths. As a matter of facts, three weeks ago the concerns were loud and clear. Carers had no protective equipment available and visitors were allowed into the care homes until 12th March on which day the care homes locked themselves on their own accord.

Confusion grows and people are confused. Pandemics should be lead by experts. I feel the governments add unnecessary fuel to the fire by themselves being confused, trying to balance all plates in the air and negotiate between different options making sure the all plates are still spinning. These half or even quarter measures don’t really help anyone. All get an insignificant piece of something. Businesses scream louder and louder, some people that spent their lives, that sacrificed absolutely everything may lose it all within next month or so. It’s hard to accept it. It’s either certain death of life you built or some percentage in death if you contract the virus. The odds are clear. This is why I feel for Elon Musk. Still though, his calls I find unreasonable. If the second wave proves, what all the scientists I have read or reports I have seen, rise much higher killing much more people, surely he will lose the backing of the society. He will become a villain. He will see in him what is British people see in Richard Branson now. It is a tough call. The truth is that it was preventable if the actions and preparations have been taken early enough. We could get on with social distancing longer and without killing the economy. Once you found yourself on the edge the options are very scarce. Hence why coming close to the edge should have been prevented. I do not believe in human sacrifices for a higher good.

One scientist has advised that an ideal scenario would be to lock vulnerable in Edinburgh and the rest move to Essex to have a nice pandemic. This is obviously impossible, I do believe, however, if we would have a pandemic response system and a real strategy things would look different. While each battle during a war is lead by generals, we are lead by politicians who only take advice from experts. Who interprets this advice?

The pandemic is not the only event that is tragic. Coronadictatorships start popping around with governments using this as an opportunity for power-grabbing. We ignore such events in Brasil, Russia or the Philippines. When we will notice things getting out of hand while they happen on our continent. Hungary is already being ruled by a decree giving Victor Orban possibility to do whatever he wants. The decree is indefinite as well. Unless he will give the power back it does not need to end. Poland is the next one running on the lose, currently concentrating on getting through dodgy legislation and Presidential elections organised. Concentration is on power-grabbing, not pandemic. Coronavirus is a blessing for autocracies and opportunity one in a lifetime to ‘legitimately’ dismiss opposition and make dictatorship democratic choice of people.

All those insecurities play on our mind, my mind. It makes me physically sick at times that I cannot do anything. Black characters on a blank page are my only form of objection. I feel literally like Don Quixote fighting windmills. Naturally, I like to hope that I also imagine the threat and in the end it is nothing. If so my fight will go unnoticed or ridiculed by those who see it. I rather take this than accept abuse, no matter how little. Abuse doesn’t start physically. Very rarely does. By the time you take notice, it is too late and it is extremely difficult to escape from it.

I am locked up in the prison of my thoughts desperately trying to find a solution. Who will listen though? Nobody wants change, everyone wants the return to ‘normality’, to their own bubbles. What’s the point.

I did go for a run, another 5 k done. Then continued with kettlebell exercises in front of the TV watching the latest news. Had some dinner, red wine watched another episode of ‘Money Heist’, read more news and went to bed. Another day I could do so much more, another day I did not concentrate on what is truly important. Maybe tomorrow is going to be a better day.

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